


say it one more time (even if it's a lie)

by pondify



Series: (boyf) riends with benefits [6]
Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: Angst, Codependency, Friends With Benefits, M/M, One-Sided Relationship, Or Is It?, Pining, Pining!Jeremy, Unrequited Love, very briefly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-24
Updated: 2017-10-24
Packaged: 2019-01-22 14:27:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 593
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12483716
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pondify/pseuds/pondify
Summary: The words blur together, said time and time again, and Jeremy loses count of the days.





	say it one more time (even if it's a lie)

**Author's Note:**

> partially inspired by my good friend jared's fic, [none of the right ways.](http://archiveofourown.org/works/12171222) it's fucking flawless and he's an amazing writer, and i highly encourage you to read it.
> 
> i hope you enjoy this chapter! considering a chapter from michael's pov coming up sometime soon hmmmmm
> 
> (title is from matt maltese's "even if it's a lie")

In some ways, Jeremy feels like their friendship has already been affected by this. He hardly knows what to say to Michael, anymore. There are times when they’re sitting on Michael’s couch in his basement, playing video games, and the words dry up.

“Jeremy?” Michael says, one of those times, breaking him out of his thoughts. He’s paused the game, and is looking at Jeremy with concern in his eyes that Jeremy doesn’t deserve, not at all.

“I love you,” Jeremy blurts out.

For a moment, Michael just stares at him. Then his eyes go softer, and he reaches out to ruffle Jeremy’s hair.

“I love you too, Jere,” he says, and his voice is so full of warm affection that it makes a lump grow in Jeremy’s throat. “Now, come on. Let’s get back to me kicking your ass in Marvel v. Capcom.”

“As if you’ve ever kicked my ass,” Jeremy retorts, grabbing his controller, and the knot in his chest is loosening enough for him to speak somewhat normally again.

Michael doesn’t ask. He never does.

It doesn’t stop there, because of course it fucking doesn’t. It would be too easy if it did.

“I love you,” Jeremy mumbles again, grinning broadly this time, when they’re with their friends and everything actually feels right for once. He says the words only loud enough for Michael to hear, because they are only for Michael, have only ever been for Michael.

“I love you too,” Michael answers, bumping his shoulder against Jeremy’s, laughing and bright and happy.

Brooke is standing right beside him, and he doesn’t miss the way her head whips around, but he ignores it.

“I love you,” Jeremy says on opening night, pressing a fleeting kiss against Michael’s cheek once Michael is finished clipping his mic pack to Jeremy’s waistband and is moving on to applying a generous amount of the precious mic tape to his cheek.

Michael’s fingers stumble on his face, almost sticking the tape to Jeremy’s hair, but his voice is steady as always as he says, “I love you too. Break a leg, Jeremy.”

The words blur together, said time and time again, and Jeremy loses count of the days. He becomes addicted to the sound of Michael’s voice, the shape of his lips forming those three words that Jeremy aches to hear but that never mean exactly what he wants them to.

“Tell me you love me,” Jeremy says one night, with his face buried in Michael’s shoulder. He doesn’t cry. He hasn’t cried in a long while now. Not since the first time he talked to Brooke. But everything feels like too fucking much and if he was still able to cry, he would be.

“I love you,” Michael says.

Jeremy holds him a little tighter and closes his eyes against the overwhelming world. “Say it again,” he whispers, allowing himself to be selfish.

Michael does. “I love you.”

He always does what Jeremy asks.

 _I love you,_ Jeremy mouths. Inaudible. “One more time,” he says aloud.

“I love you.”

Michael should be an actor, Jeremy thinks. He is so very good at pretending.

It almost sounds real. And in that moment, Jeremy is almost positive that Michael _knows._

Jeremy pulls back, and forces a smile that he doesn’t feel. “Sorry,” he murmurs.

“It’s all good.” Michael touches his cheek, briefly, then lets his hand fall. “You okay now, Jere?”

“Yeah,” Jeremy says, and thinks about how they’re both lying to each other, but neither of them will ever admit it. “Yeah, I’m good.”


End file.
